Passion

I've always wanted to find what I'm passionate about. For some people it seems so incredibly straight forward. They get wound up about sports, or music, or teaching young children, or human rights. I don't think that my problem is that I don't care about anything, so much as I find it hard to focus on one issue more than any of the others. One minute I'll be fired up and ranting about the healthcare system and its failings, the next I'll be enthusing about an interesting critique of a video game. It's probably a very stupid thing to be bothered by, but I do wish there was something specific I could focus on, become extremely knowledgeable about, and do something in that field. Perhaps it's just a part of being young.

I have recently however, managed to narrow certain interests down to the point where I feel I'd quite like to get into politics. I spend so much time complaining about the state of the country I live in (which, compared to others really isn't bad at all) that I may as well see if I can do something about it. But even then, I'm still confronted with the question of what issue I would focus on once I get into a position of power. Would it be education? Healthcare? Equality for women? I'm not an expert on any of these things by any means, so what right would I have to speak on them? I think these questions are very telling as to what the real problem I'm having is. I don't feel I'm particularly good at anything. I know I like to think I'm right all the time (a lot of people who know me will agree I have this attitude), but honestly, I'm often not that confident. I do honestly believe I know about a lot of topics, but I often feel like I don't know that much about any of them. Not any deep knowledge any way. This post has turned disturbingly honest, I suppose I should be thankful my grandmother is the main person who ever really reads it (sorry for not posting more Oma, I promise I'll try write more often).

I think I'm probably just scared. I'm nearly two thirds through my degree, and it's just about time that I actually start real life and live as an adult. Start a career, save up for future life, plan on having a family. The problem is, I don't really know how I'm going to do any of this. As a child you think adults know everything, but then you reach this supposed adulthood, and you know no more than you did before. It's so gradual that it feels like no progress is being made at all. Intellectually I know I know more than I did at 15, but often I really don't feel like I do.